Category: Dating and Relationships
Hi all!
A lot of you may remember my post down farther on this page about not being physically attracted to my then current boyfriend.
As I read those posts back then, I started to see exactly why I wasn't attracted..and then other issues I noticed he had that I just could not and would not put up with.
For example, now I'm not I repeat not miss exercise queen but this guy made it seem getting something out of the fridge was such a chore..Plus, he was not very good with money..and the list goes on and on.
The thing that really made me break up with him is I 1st prayed to God about the matter..started paying attention more to my life and the things that I needed to do..and he started to get really clingy..calling me when he knew I had class or was busy doing something else..then getting upset when I didn't call him back.etc.etc.
I just simply did not have a good feeling about him so I dumped him. It was difficult cause I had never been in that situation before.
After I dumped him, he quite simply did a 180 turn around.
I was now an evil bit**, mean..etc.etc. He started sending me nasty emails and he accused me of leaving him for someone else when I clearly told him that he was not the one for me. I've never cheated on a man, nor will I ever cause it is just wrong and hurtful. (along with other things..but you all get the point.)
It's actually kinda sad, he's going around bad mouthing me when I haven't said nor done anything negative about him I've only stated facts. I still have nothing truly bad to say about him, I just hope he gets his life together and stops being so immature.
P.S. I am not looking for anyone to date, I'm busy focussing on myself.
Yeah, some guys will do that. I guess they like to have the last word cause it makes them feel better about themselves. It helps them be guilt-free about their own wrongs while making everything they did seem wonderful. I know because my most recent ex is like that. During the time we were together, he said every bad thing in the book about all the girls he dated, so I cringe to think what he's telling everyone in his life about me to gain sympathy. So I definitely know how hard that is.
Hey Fire,
Oh yeah, same here! Did we date the same guy? lol..Every girl he dated he talked bad about..so who knows and cares what he is saying about me..I heard that some people that know both he and I have taken him off there facebook page cause of his postings.
the fact that guys do a 180 about their apparent infactuation of you is pretty common.
See this happen all the time. It makes you wonder.
just as long as you get your life together that is all that matters. Guys are going to talk so let them talk.
Unique, I'm glad you were able to make the decision that was right for you. I personally wouldn't have put it on the boards, but hey, that's your call, and I'm not putting you down. I'm sorry this guy feels the need to trash you, and women he's dated in the past. Even when women say they don't care what the guy thinks, it can still be very hurtful and destructive.
F&R, like with Unique, I'm sorry to know you went through what you did. It's so unfair.
But I feel the need to say one thing. It's not just men who are guilty of trashing their exes. I've known many a woman who has done the same thing: run exes into the ground, whether recent men they dated, or ones from the distant past. It makes me just as mad when I see either gender doing it.
Sometimes it's done out of spite and malice, sometimes out of the anger that comes with grief. I know I've fallen in that latter trap before when I've been broken up with, though I really work on avoiding it. No matter the reason, it's ultimately destructive to both parties, and serves no one. I don't even think it really makes the trasher feel better, even if that's what they're attempting.
What really gets me is when close friends or family to the one broken up with trash the ex in an attempt to make their loved one feel better. That's happened to me before, and actually made things worse. I may have been pissed as hell, but I didn't want the guy trashed by anyone else, so their efforts at comfort backfired.
Thank you sister! Smile.
If Alicia hadn't said it I was going to. Plenty of women trash their exes and tell their current boyfriends plenty of bad things about all their exes. If I were a guy or a girl dating someone who ttrashed all their exes, that would scare me, and I think I would get out as soon as possible. I've even seen it done here on the zone. People who all know each other, at least through the internet and some in person, have dated other zoners and then have been trashed very publically once the relationship is over.
What, you wouldn't date Shark *grin*.
What's with the men hating onhere, men do this, men do that .. believe you me my dear girls, women do the same, quite possibly worse (though I am not judging and I have no stats, nor do I really want any).
If someone breaks up with you, it is a major blow to self confidence, it cuases anger and resentment, self-doubt and lot of other negative feelings. If it didn't, well, the relationship clearly wasn't much to begin with. If you are the one who calls things off, that really is no better, because it causes remorse or bad conscience and general feeling of being awful. All of those things are natural and must run their course. Some people deal with it in more or less mature way than others. Bad mouthing someone is not particularly nice, but neither is posting a board on a public website about the man you broke up with, how he is immature and awful and lazy and irresponsible financially . if that isn't bad mouthing, well, I don't realy know what is. And I know neither of you and I wish both of you the best, so this is not eant personal to Unique1, but I had to point it out, since you complain about this being done to you while you are doing exactly the same thing.
I have good and bad things to say about girls I've dated, but overwhelmigly good things. If someone chooses to be with you, out of all the people in the world, it si an honor and something special. It doesn't mean it has to work, not until you find a person that is compatible with you in the long run, and a person that has mutual repect and attraction. It is right to break off a relationship where one party has clearly come to the conclusion that this isn't, and will never be, the case.
Anyways, I just have to point out I see a lot of men bashing on here, and I feel sd about it, I thought you girls would know better, if guys talked like that about you, it would be sexist.
I wholeheartedly agree with WB.
us guys just have no idea how much your talkinga bout us to your girlfriends during and especially after the break up.
I do in fact see a very obvious double standard here.
Agree with most posters here. For me, break up is a very private and individual thing. I'm sure you would not want to read about your ex perhaps write the same thing about you do you?
Lets face it, either going in and coming out of a relationship is not a single party thing, you both agree to it, and yes, from what i read, you also have your respondsibility for the result of the relationship.
I do acknowledge that some people needing to write stuff out as a way for debriefing oneself. In that matter, a blog or a journal might be what you truely need.
Unless what you looking for is things like, "oh, i'm so sorry", or "poor you, yes he's a dumber", or "hugs" and so on. If you do, i'm sorry, i think i just shattered your hope in pieces. :)
Now, is time to dust it off, pick yourself up, and move on.
Alicia said it best: if you're dating someone and they start talking about their exes, you know what to do.
The same thing happens in offices and everywhere else: the person bringing you that juicy bit of goodness and rumor is most assuredly on a recon mission to get something juicy about you they can pass on.
That is not targeted at the original poster: just a point in general, which might even help evade some undesirable outcomes.
I agree that girls bash as much if not more than guys. I actually had a particular female in mind when I made my earlier post. She used to talk about how big, or how small in her opinion, a certain part of a former boyfriend's anatomy was. And from what I heard she told this to other guys she dated. Now tell me something guys, if you dated a girl who talked about her exes penis size, wouldn't you worry what she was going to say to her next boyfriend about you?
No. Any woman that tells me that my X said I did could come on over so I could prove she lied. Just had to. Lol
Oh yeah, women do some of the worsed trash talking I've ever seen! Not just about exes but ex friends..family memebers..the list goes on and on so it so goes both ways!
LibraLady, that's wrong what your friend did..I totally disagree with that.
As for me coming off as bad mouthing, I actually didn't mean to, I was nearly pointing some stuff out.
I don't know who said it, I think it was sister dawn, about friends andor family trash talking the ex to make you feel better? My brother tried that and I put a stop to it when he started to trash my ex I don't think it's right to trash anyone I just meant to come across as making a point.
As for anyone to feel sorry for me, I certainly don't want that! I think it's a good idea to start a journal or something to that afect I honestly never thought of that. I suppose I like getting the feedback..for example, when someone on here said about dating someone that trashes there ex or exes then to get out of that relationship..I truly never considered that before until I read it. This is good to know for if I'm ever in this situation again I will have this bit of wisdom.
I do know this is public, hense I do try to word things carefully and believe me I make a daily effort to always I'll say again always treat others how I want to be treated.
Thank you all for your feedback and thoughts! I really do appreciate them.
apparently, common sense isn't so common nowadays. *shrugs*.
People are allowed to make mistakes..it is how we (ALL) learn and grow.
Yes people are allowed to make mistakes. I hope you learned something from your past experiances. Breaking up with someone is difficult and sometimes people say things they don't mean about the person they broke up with. Is it right wrong I have no idea but sometimes I suppose you just have to get it out. Diaries are wonderfull they just let you get all your anger out without trashing someone's reputation.
i will say.- good luck.- to u. next time.-*hugs*
Aww Unique One keep your chin up! :) I am sorry that happened to you! You deserve a Prince Charming nowwho will sweep you off of your feet, and treat you like the lady you are! Just be patient, and give it time! He is out there for you! My name is Poetry In Motion, and I know you will have a successful life because you are confident, intelligent, wise, and kind. Do not worry about what others think. You are number one. Use your head and always follow your heart and you will never go wrong. Have a wonderful day! I wish you nothing but sunshines rainbows great days full of fun and great times for all of yourdays! :) Hope to talk to you soon! :)
I definitely agree with the idea of diaries. I don't have one per say, but writing is my therapy. Ever want to just rip someone an assehole like they've never had before, but don't know if it's the right thing to do? Well, write it down, as if they're going to read it, but just don't send it to them, or anyone else for that matter. Trust me, it works wonders. and it doesn't necessarily have to be out of anger, either. I've done it all sorts of times when there was something I wanted to tell someone but knew I shouldn't.
LOL Ocean! Thanks for that!
And Poetry..thank you for your words they're very kind and sweet. Thanks! :)